Ever have a Negative Nellie on your team? Someone likeable enough. Works hard. No performance issues. But the negativity ……..it’s a little hard to take.
As a manager, how do you address that?
Here’s how one manager sorted it out.
The Problem
A few years ago, I was running a Group Coaching program. We’d meet every 2 weeks for an hour, like a regular meeting. And work through management issues that had come up since our last meeting.
One of the participants was a manager named Sam.
Sam had a great team. Collaborative, supportive, hard workers, talented. Kind of a dream team.
Except one thing.
A Negative Nellie.
Nellie's team liked and respected her. Unfortunately, she tended to go negative in conversations, during meetings. In a way that killed the positive energy of the team.
It wasn’t the type of issue Sam had dealt with before. He was curious how other managers in the group would deal with the situation
A Closer Look
As mentioned, Nellie's team liked her. She was a hard worker, supportive of the rest of the team. An important part of their success.
But annoying in this one way.
Her behaviour wasn’t having much impact on the team and how they worked together. Nor on their performance. But it was frustrating to the team. Several of them would drop by Sam’s office to vent about Nellie's negativity.
Sam wasn’t sure he needed to deal with it. And, if he was being honest, he was a little uncomfortable with the issue. He knew he’d have dealt with it if it became a problem. But it was easier to leave and hope it gets better over time.
A New Approach
For performance issues, Sam used a coach approach. One-on-one meeting. Give Nellie specifics on the problem. Coach her to find her best options. Come up with an action plan…..you know the drill.
But Sam never seemed to be around when Nellie was tossing out her negative comments. And the team had a hard time describing what she did and when.
If you want someone to change their behaviour, they need to know what they’re doing. Without that, Sam couldn’t even start.
Which got our group thinking. Maybe Sam wasn't the one to solve this particular problem. Maybe his team was better positioned to do this. They wanted the change. They saw it happening - often. And Sam knew they’d be willing to do the work.
This was the perfect opportunity for Sam to take a step back. Coach his team while they sorted things out.
And that’s exactly what Sam did
Here’s What Happened
Sam developed a simple plan.
The next time someone dropped in to vent, he suggested they talk to Nellie. Sam gave them permission to sort it out.
Before setting them loose, he coached them. What was the issue (negative comments). And how would they address it (with short, respectful replies to Nellie’s comments).
Then the team got to work. Over the next two weeks, the team consistently replied with a simple, light response to Nellie’s negative comments. Because the relationships were so strong, Nellie was able to hear the feedback as it was intended. And “kick” her negativity habit.
2 Week Check-In
By the time our coaching group met two weeks later, Sam’s team had sorted this out. Sam’s team was now dropping by his office to share their successes.
Things worked out well for Sam and his team. A lot of wins.
Sam felt more confident now dealing with awkward issues. The team elevated their ability to self-manage. And Nellie appreciated being part of a team that cared enough to be honest.
When it’s More than Negativity
Sometimes negative comments are the tip of the iceberg. There’s something else going on.
In a workshop, a first-time manager described a challenge she was struggling with. One of her team member’s behaviour had changed. More negativity. Escalating mood swings, arguing, conflict. Bursting into tears unprovoked. Deteriorating hygiene.
Something was wrong. Very wrong.
But this young manager was advised by her manager to figure it out.
Don’t do that.
This situation is well above your pay grade. This type of behaviour could indicate a serious mental health issue. Get help. Now.
Fortunately, this young leader worked at a large institution with an extensive HR team. This is their turf.
Leave it to the experts.
Wrapping Up
Sometimes the best way to manage your team is to step back and let them take the lead.
Give them permission.
Provide guidance and support.
And trust that they’ll figure out even awkward and uncomfortable issues on their own.
